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Would you be happy to lose this?

Seán Brickell applies tried and tested and proven and easily accessible, easily applicable and easily achievable practical and little known psychological techniques, used in war zones, undercover work and successful businesses, to improve your confidence, communication and personal impact skills in a way that makes a profitable difference to you and your business, financially and otherwise.

It took me aback.

And it came from nowhere.

And the chances of recovering the situation seemed slim.

Those of you who know me and/or my work, will understand I’m happy to talk with and listen to all varieties of people.

I really do believe that everyone, no matter how seemingly dull on the outside, has something about them that’s interesting.

It’s just a matter of you wanting to find that out by giving them the chance,

and not just the people who look interesting or look like they could be useful to you, in whatever capacity,

and then asking the right questions…and then listening carefully….and then guiding the chat accordingly.

But too often too many of us are passive at social and even business gatherings, waiting for someone proactive to come along to kick-start the conversation, the atmosphere and the opportunities.

And, as someone who loves to be proactive, it always presents chances for making those three things happen.

But then you can be taken by surprise.

I was.

And it came as a shock.

Perhaps it some sort of conversational-cum-psychological short-circuit?

It happened recently while at a friend’s party.

I arrived and…

My chat had gone!

For once, I had no urge to talk much, if at all.

I was just happy to ask some, I hoped, colourful answer-inducing questions…and then let those people break into a conversational gallop.

But, people were doing what they normally do…

And waiting for someone like me to kick-start and then steer the chat and the banter.

But my conversational jump leads weren’t available.

My social tank was on empty.

And before I use any other motoring analogies, and this starts to have a whiff of editorial “fromage” about it, I just want to indicate that…

I had just run out of steam…

In a situation where you and I would be expected to, relied upon and encouraged to be conversationally and socially proactive and not passive.

So, how do you feel when this happens to you?

How do you deal with it?

Do you perhaps drag increasingly unnatural observations and questions out of yourself to present them to the assembled group to pay your conversational dues?

And doesn’t that make you feel unnatural and incongruent.

Do you feel obliged to be a way others hope or even expect you to be…

For fear of appearing out of sync with them and with the interpersonal flow?

In short, are you happy…

To be silent amidst noise?

To be still amidst movement?

To be psychologically reconciled to who you really are amidst those who don’t know how to be?

After chatting with someone at the party who was very high energy and full of fizz, which was great, I then stood to one side and observed the gathering quietly and unobtrusively.

I learned so much just by watching…

About who thought what of whom, who was being natural and who wasn’t and who wanted to be doing what I was doing, but wasn’t.

And then, when I’d observed enough and said a few discreet goodbyes, I left.

It felt good…

Because I had been true to myself.

So, how comfortable are you, when you lose your chat, not to force what you say and do

For creating the right appearance?

For not wanting anyone else to judge you unfavourably?

And just to be natural?

Remember, being natural is one of the most beguiling and effective weapons

in our personality armoury,

and yet it’s also one of the most unrealised, unvalued and unused.

Don’t be afraid to be natural.

It’s much more comforting for you…but also others you deal with.

Contact Seán on:
t: 0207 193 1771

The Red Tree is the UK’s leading international beauty brand consultancy and a powerhouse of ideas, insight and inspiration. For an informal discussion on how we might help you, please contact us.

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